i don't really have anything much to say...probably cause i don't really want to take the time to sit here and type something. :) i'm lazy like that and also, i want to leave this place and go check out phones at the verizon store and decide on a new one that i want. they have those new skinny phones and i'm not sure if i want one like that or kinda like what i already have. my phone right now is cool. not cool as in "it can do this this this" but it's cool in the way that it's a comfortable phone. it's mine and has been for almost two years...actually, i take that back. i've had the same kind of phone for almost two years but back before i left for belgium, i dropped my first phone in the toilet at walmart. one lil bit of advice "don't drop your phone in the toilet!!!" and especially not the one at walmart...gross!! anyhow...i like my phone. it can't do all this cool stuff but it's been a good lil phone. not always dependable...actually, i think it has been. it's done it's duty in making the call...just sometimes it can't get a signal so it can't go through with it. i'm like this though. i get attached to the smallest things...i do get attached to big things too. what i'm saying is that i get attached to odjects, possesions. i still have a blue blanket i slept with when i was a baby and a kitten i got when i was 5, i cried when we would sell our cars, i have the hardest times giving things away cause most of the time, i tie them with a time in my life...they all have setimental value. i know...it's weird. but i bet everyone has one or two things they are like that with. i hope i'm making sense. i'm typing and thinking really fast cause i want to hurry and end this, get changed and get out of here! aww...i am sad though...i wanna keep my phone now. forget getting new one! ;) just kidding...later!

here at work and don't have alot of time. i was just checking my emails for a minute. my sister and i went together to get a gift for my mom and she emailed me pics of it. we got her this really cool shirt and a bracelet. i'm excited about it! hopefully, she'll like it.

  so two things and then i'm gonna scoot...the most important is that jon is safely back in the states! he got in to savannah on monday. half of my family went down to see him. i wanted to go but couldn't cause of work and besides, someone had to stay here and hold the fort down (meaning, taking care of grandma and the animals :)). plus i had to work, so oh well. but he's back and is in savannah this week having some testing and going through some courses. hopefully he'll be back in columbus very soon.

  the second thing is that yesterday, i got my first speeding ticket. my friend caitlyn and i were on the way to her house. she had a soccer practice to get to and i made a turn too fast and didn't slow down and got caught by a cop. it was horrible at first and i cried for like 30 minutes straight after i dropped caityln off and told my mom. i was so dissapointed in myself. i've been thinking alot about speeding and how it's rooted in rebellion. i've gotten away with alot but it caught up to me and i learned my lesson the hard way. my dad told me to get over it and move on. yeah, learn from it but don't be a baby and be miserable.

  thats the excited two things that i wanted to post. also, i made A's in both my classes at school. so i'm glad and thankful about that. hope all is well with you and your's and all that groovy groovy stuff. later!

whoa, i'm pleased with myself. i am posting for the second time in one week! crazy-ness...i just finished running at britt david and i'm here at my sister in-laws getting cleaned up.

 my last post was sorta sad...i'm so much better now. lastnight, i was having alot of pain from my stomach. i had been meaning to get A More Excellent Way out and read on colons but i hadn't yet. i did at around 11.30 lastnight and so many of the roots were things i needed to deal with. i took the book into to where my mom was sleeping and read all of it to her...then my pride got in the way. i decided that i was just going to think about everything and not deal with it all then and there...cause really, i had been praying about this stuff the past few days and nothing had happened, why do it again then? ha! thats what the devil wanted me to keep on thinking. thankfully i realized i was being prideful, told my mom and asked her to pray with me. i repented and renounced stuff...and what do ya know. my pain stopped and i've been eating today and have had no pain. it's so cool. such a God thing. He's such a sweet Savior.

  anyways...i'm still thinking alot but it isn't a big "lets beat up on Margaret" deal. i have good, sweet memories that i'm gonna hold on to and remember and enjoy. i'm not gonna feel guilty for thinking about a happy past.

  so thats that. in other news, i got two new work shirts today that i am very excited about! and i got an A on my research paper and all my journals i had to write for college success. i start two babysitting jobs next week and my dad gets home tomorrow from new york! glory be to the Lord! :)

 and also, my favorite song right now is that old yellowcard song. i don't know the name but i always think of it being called "falling into"...it's cool...just like them. :) see ya!

so yeah, it's been a long while since i last posted. i'm in a weird mood right now and was online, doing french homework and decided i wanted to talk. i couldn't think of one person i wanted to call and just ramble to...so here i am.

  it has been an interesting past few weeks for me. caleb left for ranger school and i can't believe how different i feel having him gone. he isn't controlling all the time. i don't want to give that impression but it's like, i make decisions based on how i feel, think or what i want and it's...cool. he got off weekend before last and it was like i had to make an adjustment to what i was or becoming, just in five days, with him being gone. i figure this much, he'll be gone for 9 1/2 more weeks. i have alot of thinking, praying and things to do during that time. it'll be interesting. the Lord has been using this time to draw me to Himself and show me areas in my life that he wants to work on and change. i'm all be willing to let Him change me but i know it takes effort on my part as well and thats where i seem to fall short or be lazy.

  studying should really be a priority right now, but i just can't concentrate. my stomach is feeling weird like it always does after i eat and that in itself, is frustrating. my sister was having the same problem a few months ago and did some different stuff with her diet for 3 weeks so i'm doing that now. it's got a root to it though. when i say that i mean spiritual root. haha, i was just thinking after i typed root, that i could just go back and change it but i'm still stuck with saying things the way i type them. :) but yeah, my sister said it has to do with your colon. i get frustrated with it sometimes. i should be a normal person, eating normal things and being fine afterwards. but nope, i get pains and sick and it's just like "please food, just go away!!!" i'm not complaining btw. i'm just rambling. golly g! why do i do that? i always go into fear and think "oh dear, what if they think that i am complaining?" no one could read this anyways! i was painting the garage a few days ago and was thinking about this stomach thing. i think the root is fear and not forgiving myself. it's easy for me to forgive people and i've learned that sometimes i'm too quick to forgive. well, i guess it isn't forgiving too quickly but it's forgiving and then completely forgetting about it. like, a month ago when all that crap happened and my boyfriend went out of town to beat someone up. i forgave him, and let go of it it but sometimes i still think about it and wonder "did you do the right thing? did you do what you really wanted? or did you just take the easy way out and keep on chugging on like you are now and like you always seem to do?"...i hate hate hate second guessing myself. i do it everyday though. just the other day when i was painting, thoughts of my past few years were coming in like a flood. that always happens when i bake, paint or work in my garden. i think and i feel like sometimes i think way too much. i wanna tell my brain to just shut up. it's not like i was thinking bad thoughts. everything was of good times and happy memories and then i think to myself "look at what you've done now..." so then i go into beating myself up and i can't even enjoy my task or my thoughts because i go into accusation upon myself. *sigh* i don't know why i have such a hard time forgiving myself...does anyone else struggle with that?

  i've rambled so much. i've always been good at jumping around from subject to subject. all i know is that i just wanna be who the Lord wants me to be...not who my dad, my mom, my boyfriend, or anyone else. when i'm being myself, i feel complete...i feel like i'm on the right track, the correct course. i like the feeling of that compass in MY hand. i'm not blaming anyone for my struggle. it's my fault and no one elses. i talk to too many people and then i listen to too many people...at least, i used to. it screwed me up. i can't wait for the day that i forgive myself and let go. my mom says "don't let the past, poison your future"...and if i keep on like this, it will.

  sorry this is kind of down and rather pointless but i feel alot better now. i seriously have to study...i got a quiz is just a lil bit and a final tomorrow! ah! :) later...

 You can't keep on running from the truth. You have to let go in order to see the proof. No one can tell you your thoughts or your dreams. It's a hidden wonder inside of you, just waiting for you to redeem.